Man I'm so excited right now! I finally got the words to say what I need to say Today! this writing has been in my head for about a month. it's been like having a strain of music to play, but having no access to an instrument to play it. It has been anguish, and today it is over! I finally get to write it out!
Here is how the word of the lord came to me.
It was about a month ago, and I needed to fax a piece of paper out. 7-11 didn't have a fax machine, so I walked to the dentist office across the street. I politely asked the girls behind the counter if they would fax it for me, and I offered a dollar for the favor. they were very courteous, declined the money, and faxed my sheet off. I told them that, in return, I would come back and get my teeth cleaned before I go to Afghanistan next year. we chatted about that for a minute or two when it hit me...the girl I was talking to was smiling at me, and what I mean by that is, she was smiling in a way that spoke that the smile was FOR me, about me.
Now, let me assure you, this woman is beautiful! She's from morocco, she has black hair, long, with a sheen...more like a mane. Olive skin with a perfect complexion. lovely eyes, big, round, lovely eyes. Man I'm trying to tell you that beauty is certainly a possession of hers. Exotic beauty that is usually associated with great fame or royalty, and she's standing right in front of me...smiling at me...smiling FOR me.
her powerful beauty is accompanied by a graceful way of moving and speaking. the beauty and grace complimented each other perfectly. It was like a healing to my soul. it was medicinal. Her smile made me feel beautiful because of it.
I used to be so good looking. My looks used to give me access to things that other people had to work for, but for me, it was always just handed to me. then I got older and my hair fell out, and I got fatter. I barely recognize myself when I look in the mirror. the worst part is, women just don't respond to me the way they used to.
Sometimes the loneliness gets to me. It's like carrying a heavy burden in a dry and forgotten place. the thirst is profound. I don't have anyone to tell me things like- I'm handsome to them, or to tell me things like- my work is admired. There is no one to tell me that they love me because there is no one else like me in the entire universe. The loneliness sometimes is like staring into a dark and cold abyss. It makes my body tremble as I lift my voice to heaven and cry out the song of my soul..."oh God! my God have mercy on me! heal my aching body, and quench the terrible thirst on my lips...oh father I want to be in love, I want to know that I am loved...I want to be beautiful to someone" amen
In this moment, my pain is eased. her smile healed me in that moment. I'm sure it meant nothing to her. as I walked back to where I live, I heard the voice of God saying " my son, there is nothing more magnificent than me, and I am so in love with you. If you would just open your eyes, you would see me smiling just for you. My son, you are beautiful to me."
I've been thinking for a month. man if I could just, you know..."get" that concept. If I could just accept the love and approval of the almighty, then I would be one with love.
but I didn't have the words until today. I couldn't articulate my thoughts...and then I saw HER. A young woman carrying bags from Target. she was walking to the trolley station, and her walking and breathing was labored as she was severely over weight. she had bright red, unkempt hair. her face is pudgy. she has freckles all over her body, and not the cute kind. Instead she had the kind that looked like an injury or a sickness of some sort. her passing by was like an unwanted distraction, similar to when an ambulance siren when it passes by closely.
anyways, several minutes go by and the trolley showed up. I walked over and got on. as I sat down I noticed that this young woman was sitting right in front of me. facing me. She seemed comforted by the fact that she was sitting down and that she didn't have to carry her bags or herself for a moment. I said nothing to her...just looked from behind my sunglasses.
Then the scenario happened. this is the part where I got the word from heaven, so please read closely, as it is more important to me that you be able to see it, than just merely read it.
Two young women and their mother boarded the trolley. The mother was wearing that thing that middle eastern women wear to cover their head and face, but the young women were not. these two girls, sisters obviously, looked different than one another, but were equally beautiful. Their beauty was so powerful in fact, that it commanded my attention. A Persian dream and I was in a trance. Long, thick chestnut hair, styled with pins in it. perfect, unblemished skin with that olive tone that Persians have. both were dressed in fine clothing and the style was appropriate for a sunny San Diego day. Skirts and blouses that seem to capture sunlight. their bodies are thin and shapely, not like a girl's body, but instead, a woman's body if that makes any sense.
as they passed by, the faint fragrance of whatever it is that they put on their skin filled my nostrils, and it was the perfect sensation to accompany this dream that I had been thrust into.
Now, please understand that I don't stare at women. I just don't do it. It's creepy and I never want to be "that guy" staring, glaring at random women, but man I swear, I couldn't help it. Powerful, powerful, powerful beauty!
My trance was broken by the realization that I was staring. I awoke and turned my eyes back to the red-head. It was a terrible contrast. I kept looking back and forth between the Persian girls and the red-head.
And then It came down.
I realized that the red-head was also in a trance, and she too was staring uncontrollably at the two young women. I had come out of the trance, but she was still in it...and her dream was very much different than mine.
She was in a nightmare. I'm telling you that if you were there, you would have seen it too. she looked upon those women with a profound sadness. you could see it in the way that her shoulders were hunching over even more than her usual bad posture. Her whole body sank deeper in her seat that she sat in as if she was cowering from an assault. She was looking at these girls and in her eyes you can see clearly that she was, once again, being reminded that she will never have "that". She will never be the object of every man's desire. she will never be beautiful. As she looked on, her heart was breaking...her loneliness seemed to echo through the train. loneliness...it's a cold, dark place where there is no water...only thirst. the kind of thirst that cracks your lips and swells your tongue, but there is no water.
Loneliness is a place where there is no "one" and there is no "thing". there is just no one and nothing. if you know what I mean, then you are either there now, or you have been there before.
I know this place well, and I could see that she was there...but with no God to cry out to! and just like me, she feels unwanted sometimes, and right now is that time for her. she feels all alone in the crowd. in that place...she feels it. she feels it like waves over her soul. she feels it caressing her skin...she feels ugly.
Just then God stepped in and began to minister to me. the full thrust of his majesty resonated in my ears and opened my eyes. Right in front of me, this young woman transformed. the Vail was pulled back and I could see her in eternity.
Nothing, in all of the universe, was more important, more critical, more beautiful than her. The God of the universe, the holder of the stars, the giver of life...the one who spoke it all into existence has but one goal, one priority, and that is to win this girls heart and affection, and to enjoy her for all of eternity. In all of the universe and all of its fullness, there is only 230 pounds of HER. she is so rare, so full of wonders that God just has to have her. He's crazy about her and I mean CRAZY! he would die for her love...and in fact, he did.
He gave me a word for her, it was short so I saved it until my stop. As we traveled on I noticed that she had fixed her eyes on her left wrist and she was rubbing it. it was her tattoo that she was staring at. it was a symbol. I could see it clearly. If you would like to see it as well, then go to Google, click on images, and type in "international symbol for biohazard" and you will see it. This young woman felt so ugly, so toxic that she branded herself in that identity...with that symbol, right over the soft spot on her left wrist...or as it is known for right handed people...the suicide veins.
The trolley stopped and I went to the door, pressed the button to open it.
"Miss" I said three feet away from her. she didn't hear me though. "miss" I said again and this time she snapped out of it and looked me in the eyes...
"God loves ME!" I said..."but you are his very favorite!"
Laughter erupted. a giggling, unrestrained laughter just SANG out of her. she couldn't stop! laughter is the language of heaven and she was speaking it! in that moment her shackles had been broken off. in that moment she knew the TRUTH. in that moment she was free. she was loved and present with her lover. in that moment, she was beautiful.
Now here comes my worship of my God.
This is what we must come to understand. There is a God and he is ONE. Father, son and spirit just as I am mind body and soul, he is ONE. He IS the holder of the stars...billions and billions of stars in a constant state of violent explosion, HE is all power. he is everywhere, in everything at ALL times and his magnificence has no end. his beauty cannot, and must not be compared to anything we know. the entire universe was built to sustain life, and as far as we know, it was all done just for life on this planet. It's a big deal. it's a great honor to have been granted life. If you search the first few words of scripture, you will see that he did it ALL to have communion with one creature...just one.
You MUST understand that God loves you like you are that only one. he loves me the same way! how is that possible you ask? I have no flippin' idea and I don't care how that works. I only care that it is the truth.
My God speaks to me and when he does he speaks kindly.(hosea ch.2) He tells me how much he loves me and he shows it to me like he did on the trolley. It wasn't just about her, it was also about me, as it is also about you.
He's MAD about you...crazy about YOU! the most beautiful being, the most powerful being thinks about just you, all of the time, and at no time have you ever been alone. he never leaves us. he's never even considered it.
You MUST, you MUST, YOU must seek him out at whatever the cost. however scary it gets, you MUST be made to understand HOW MUCH LOVE IS AVAILABLE TO YOU!!!
Only he can make you understand. YOU must hear the fathers voice calling your name. he has good things for you. You will never know how beautiful you are until you hear him explain it. You were designed to behold the Glory, and see it staring at, smiling.
Smiling in a suggestive way that says, "you are my very favorite". You were designed to be known of by love, and God is love. Know him!
The heart of God breaks over a broken people. People who have been convinced that beauty is in accomplishment, or money, or status, or high cheek bones, or WHATEVER!
NO! God has always said NO to that. those are lies that we have made up and collectively bought into. Beauty is when beauty himself tells you that you are beautiful, and you understand it...and know it.
Beauty is sought after by all of mankind, and therefore it must be in our blood to do so. there is only one place that you will find it though. It's the same place that you will find everything that you strive for. it's the one place that will finally quench your aching, eternal thirst, and put an end to the pain of your constant striving. Coincidently, It is the same place that you came from. A place that you are native to and have been subconsciously trying to get back to. Back to the all powerful "ONE". Back to the loving arms of the Father of creation and the husband of souls.
a terrible price has been paid so that you might be able to hear his voice. The very word of God. YOU MUST learn to hear his voice...it is the only way. The very word of God, living inside of you, constantly speaking kindly over your life. you've just gotta hear it for yourself. Stop waiting for some guy with a microphone to tell you what only God himself can tell you...your true name...your true identity.
God's ears long to hear the song he wrote in you. he wants you to sing it. His tongue forever speaks life over you. God's eyes are always on you, desiring for you to be near. God's lips constantly ache for your kiss and his arms always cry out for your embrace.
He loves you! oh man, he just loves you. you are adorable to him.
Know him
Yahshua- God is salvation
Shema- hear him
My name is Pete Dobson. I am in love with the living word of God, and I will follow him for all of my days.
